Sad and Happy
Well…
I wanted to start off with the not so great stuff (so I could end this brief update on a better note).
They not so great part is that I think I scared off a new friend by mentioning some of the things I am juggling. I just did not really want to wear a mask. I was hopeful that it would work in my favor—it did not. I am a walking red flag of a person I guess.
The good news is that in only one months time back on my blog, I have received half of the amount of viewers I did in the entire year of 2025. So that is cool. I hope that folks enjoy it. Or just like to gawk. I do not know. I have a lot of lurkers—but that is fine.
I would love to be more specific about the details of my life, but I cannot for now. What I can say is that:
My career direction totally changed.
Mom still has cancer.
I was really sick all year long—both physically and by default, mentally.
I am re-learning myself, my habits, and reframing what my future will look like.
My support system has completely changed. I am trying to connect with people (it is what healthy people do).
I am much better physically, and I guess mentally I am better. I feel sharper. But when you are sharper and more aware, the reality of heavy stuff kind of hits harder. It comes in waves; some days I am just so ready to tackle my day. Other days I look at something totally unrelated to my life, like a crack on a sidewalk, and then I feel kind of blue. Therapy helps. Medication helps. I am just doing my best.
I still have my weird anxieties. I am afraid of floods, getting my car towed, and riding in every form of transportation. I unfortunately still get my feelings hurt when I think someone does not like me when really it does not matter.
I try. I really do try. I am not sure it is enough to get me where I want to be or with the people I want to be with.
Today is one of those bluer kind of days. It is raining. I used to like the rain. I thought it was calming. I am not sure what I think about it now.
But hey… I am glad you all are here to read this. Even if you are a bunch of lurkers. Or gawking at my train wreck of a life. It is okay with me.
I will be strong and I will try again tomorrow. I have some stuff going on tomorrow so that is good.
I also got a bit further along on this prototype dress I want to sell. I have started like a million different projects only to half finish them. But eventually, I will have them finished. Dammit.
I hope to have some stuff finished soon. I should make some of the smaller items, but I stupidly attempted a giant project because I thought it would look pretty. If you are interested in watching some of the process, I livestream myself sewing while listening to music on Youtube (link at the bottom of the web page). It is quite boring and no one looks at them. That is okay with me, I just wanted to record myself in some manner so I can remember things. The audio is terrible since I just play music off my speakers. Sorry.
Maybe one day I’ll sell art. I can dream. I am very good at dreaming. Sometimes to my own downfall.
