Reminder of who I am and was.

Hi everyone—there is a lot that I can’t go into specifics of.

But there is so much uncertainty in my life right now. I am hanging on with both hands on some crazy ride that is my life. I have no idea what my life is going to be like moving forward. This causes me an awful lot of stress. I have no other choice than to stand up myself. But it can be scary to stand up when things are so intense.

I was in a creative rut for almost the entire year—I lost my spark for quite some time. I gave someone too much power over me; I listened to them when they said my work was “jarring” or “cringe”. I should not have let that affect me so harshly. I have way more I could say about that.

I could not write. I could not draw. I could not paint. I could not create any clothing. I could not even look at my website. This is partially why I have revamped it. It is a new chapter of my life. It is a new version of me. There are a lot of changes.

The confusing and challenging path I will be embarking on for a while moving forward has actually re-inspired me to create and re-engage with my website, blog, and YouTube.

Everything sucks, but hey I am at least able to touch and work with the tools that kept me alive last year when I was facing the initial diagnosis of my mom.

Keeping my hands busy and expressing myself on my website is how I cope. I want to make things, write my thoughts—the things that my mom would want me to throw myself into.

The last twelve months of my life have been my own personal hell.

I lost a lot of friends. Apparently folks get uncomfortable when their friend is dealing with immense hardship. I know that those people were never my friend in the first place if this is what happened.

I am picking up the pieces of my life. I am trying to remain busy. I am trying to remain hopeful. I am trying to give myself reasons to survive hardship.

I am my mothers daughter dammit.