An Ode to Another Loved One

I write about my mom a lot on this page. Especially how it took all of this bad for me to understand her.

There is another person that I misunderstood for many years.

My sibling. I have a few siblings yes—but this one knows I am talking about them. They live very far away.

Our whole childhood it felt like we were always butting heads. It was not until last year that I started to understand them. And I think them, me.

I think they thought I was kind of a bitch (I kind of am sometimes).

They called me while I was inpatient. I heard them stumbling over their words while they spoke to me. It broke my heart, but also filled it with such love—that they cared so much for me. That was the most meaningful call I got while I was in there.

This sibling is like no other. I am so proud of everything they have accomplished in their life. I cannot go into details for their privacy. But when you read this, I want you to know I am so very proud of you for everything you have accomplished. And I am very sorry it took so long for me to appreciate you the way you deserve.

The last time I saw them in person, I dropped them off at the bus station in town. I took them to get some snacks at a corner store. I took out some cash from the ATM to send them on their way. Turns out it was the last bit of money I had budgeted for the month as “free money”. I would do it a hundred times over. I would do anything for this sibling now that I see them better.

I dropped them off at the bus station and I watched them walk inside. I did not drive away for a moment. I cried in my car after watching them walk inside. I bawled my eyes out in that parking lot.

This sibling blazed their own path—alone. They have known what they wanted to do their whole life. And guess what? They accomplished exactly that.

They had a completely different way of growing up than the rest of us. I am sad that I had not been able to cherish such time I had with them in person before they moved far away. But I guess things have to happen a certain way for me to “get it”.

I have been selfish and wrapped up in my own personal issues and traumas for a while. I have been like a horse with blinders on.

But this sibling is self-made. This sibling is driven. This sibling is empathetic. This sibling cares. This sibling is deeper on the inside than I ever thought. This sibling is smart. This sibling is talented. This sibling is incredibly smart. This sibling does not subscribe to societal norms.

There are so many reasons I am impressed with my sibling.

I should add—all of my siblings are very impressive. Must run in the family.

Gosh, well when you read this entry—I hope you know how much I see you now. I hope you know how much love I have in my heart for you.

I love you. A lot.

And damn I am so impressed what you have done for yourself. I hope you recognize how huge your feats have been.

This post is an ode to how much I love you.